The guarding of what is soft and tender is the secret of strength.
Tao Te Ching
There are moments in life where we make a decision on which the rest of our experience hinges. In the subtle ways of a soft whisper, those are moments when, for example, we give up on our children, overwhelmed by the challenges of parenthood. We give up on our marriage and implicitly decide to stop engaging our spouse, sentencing us to a lifeless relationship. We give up on sharing our life in order to avoid being hurt. We give in to a moment of rage, as usual, or withhold praise, as usual. Those are all moments when we do not choose to be better -consciously or unconsciously. Whether we are too helpless to know better, too lazy, or too hurt, the lack of desire to improve at that moment sets a blueprint for the rest of our lives for as long as we choose to sustain those ways.
But if in those moments we are capable of becoming aware and sustaining our efforts, of pulling through the urge to give up, everything can and will change dramatically. If we are capable of one little breath of love, where before we caved in to bitterness, doors will appear where there were none. To understand the ripples of softly taking another road, to understand how life-changing those moments can be, is to understand the powerful truth that we create our reality. OBEs have given me an understanding of the power of such moments, where I can decide to go toward love instead of fear. I know the tree of life and how such small gestures create new possibilities, new branches -and even a brand new tree.
Those quantum moments are very subtle really, almost imperceptible. They must be, as those are the ones that permeate the ordinariness of our daily life. It’s always so much more subtle than we think, but we are only trained to focus on the big, the noisy, the grand -the noticeable. Yet, however subtle the quantum moments may be, we often see how powerful they have been when we look back with regret. Those are the moments that many refer to, at the end of their lives; the moments where we gave up. Not on life: but on love. It’s the love for our experience, the love for life.
Not long ago, I made a decision to soften. Again, it wasn’t something I rationally decided on: deep, internal changes belong to deeper realms than that of the mind. And there is a series of concatenations, very subtle ones, that are coming into my life as a result. They are simply meant to exercise my awareness of the different choices I am making. I want to insist on how different this perception is, because we are wired to expect, look for, demand of ourselves, very productive results: something palpable and tangible, in the form of results. But the dance with the divine is all about subtleties and the dialogue with the universe must be soft. And so I made the decision to soften. And it’s allowing for a more fluid dance.
Help me be better
It’s not that I don’t fall back into old habits, but the decision was an invocation, a call for help. And all of me is in it. In a grand way, it is a surrender to God. It always works that way. It’s a commitment to say: “I want to soften, now is the time. Now I understand that I need to yield to this pull. And I’m asking for your help because right now I know that I’m going to struggle with this. But I know that I want that in my life. I want to let go of the harshness, of having to harden myself in order to survive, in order to heal my wounds, because I thought that it made me weak to be soft. And now I know that it has nothing to do with weakness -quite the contrary. I know and I understand that the secret of strength is melting into that softening that is love.”
And those quantum moments are about those little assents to God, where I say: “go ahead, please bring this into my life and I will learn to live up to it.” It’s in the little things: God is among the pots and pans, as Teresa of Avila said. I know now that it works that way: that it’s about not giving up on love. And I could never give up on love. I just didn’t know what love was.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
You see, love is not an emotion: it’s a profound understanding that all is perfect as it is, that at any moment the people, objects and circumstances are exactly what I need to grow, to advance; it’s an understanding that allows me to see the underlying beauty of all that is. It is in this inspired state that I can learn to enhance my experience by expanding. It’s one thing to become better, but it’s a whole other level to grasp what it means to become more. For me the former is about a static, more passive way of being in this experience, whereas the latter is more dynamic. And it pertains to the realms of mastery of life: the sublime mastery of creation.
But it’s not about control: control is rigid and puts me in a box. Control doesn’t let me grow. It’s all about the profound understanding that I am here to learn and that I am very small in the context of “everything”; and at the same time, all the possibilities of that greatness are within me. In other words: the dynamic ways of me experience can be activated by understanding that the power of God is within me, yet I must never forget that I am just a drop of water in an endless ocean. It’s very important to never forget my place in the universe.
In a moment, I can decide the rest of my life
The power of the quantum moments propelling me in one direction or another is linked to the cognizance that I am responsible for my inner life at any given moment. At any given moment I have the choice to stay put or improve -and fear will make me feel stuck if I have decided on the latter. Now, being responsible is not about blaming myself for my misery (which we all do occasionally), but about knowing that I have the power to change things. I just may not yet see how.
At first the quantum moments are very subtle, almost imperceptible. It’s not about finding the strength to walk out of a dead marriage; it’s about that moment, somewhere before that big step, where I can’t contemplate my life as it is anymore, where in the abyss of despair I begin to ask big questions, with simple words, with the simple thoughts of survival and fear that are all I have at that moment. That quantum moment is an invocation for God to walk into my life and help me. And from now on all I have to do is exercise awareness to recognize that I’m being guided and learn to decipher what I’m being told.
As a parent, it’s one of those moments where I decide to be better, to take that step to face the mirrors and say: the difficulty I have as a parent is an issue that I have inside, and my children are here to show me where to look at inside me, where my struggle is, where I must go. The covenant then is to accept that I must look at myself, and that I will be disturbed. To be confronted with the truth of myself is always hard because it’s unchartered territory, and I am inevitably confronted with leaving a part of me behind, a familiarity in which I was so comfortable but that I need to let go of, in order to enter a new phase that propels me forward in my spiritual evolution. That is if I choose to be better.
Because it’s always about making a decision in the direction of being better. But it’s not about action: it’s about being. The decision to be better will obviously have repercussions in my actions, but the focus of the decision is internal -not external. It all hinges on me.
Giving up on love is giving up on our experience and it is very insidious decision that we rarely know to calibre to its right extent. So hang in there. Choose love. Choose only to yield to God. Choose to not act upon the rage. Choose to be better just once and many opportunities will follow to reinforce that desire to be better. And it will transform you. And your transformation inside will manifest into a new world outside: a world where you are better and where you can become more. And that is what contributing to the world is about.
So do you want to be better?
All is for the best in the best of worlds.
Candide by Voltaire
🙂 Marina CB – Be brave, be free